Mar 13, 2015

When Are You Having Kids?

When are you having kids?

After being married for a few years, this question gets old. In the beginning, it was easy to just to politely respond "oh you know when we're ready" or "when the times right." Now, however, I feel like being snarky: "Who said we're having kids?" or "None of your business."

The truth? Well, we don't know. We know we are not ready now, but we don't know if that will change in a month, a year, or five years. Maybe we will never be ready.

Not everyone has kids, and that is a good thing. It makes up for the people who pop out twenty children. The world is overpopulated as it is, we could use fewer babies (a debatable topic, but I think personally think we are overpopulated - just look at how much the environment has suffered because of us).

It is very wrong for our society to think that just because you are married you should have children. There are plenty of horrible parents out there that should never have had kids.

It really is no one's business what we do with our reproductive organs. Why do strangers care if we have children or not? It does not affect them. They are not going to be grandparents. They will probably never even see the child. After all, how often do you run into the same person twice? I guess if you live in a small town, then maybe, but in a big city, not likely.

If you are looking for a conversation starter, stick to the weather, not so hard to say "Nice weather we're having aye?" or you know the good old standby that all cashiers know how to ask: "How's your day going?"

Now when family asks, I think it is still rude and totally not okay, but it's kind of understandable because they want to be an aunt or uncle or grandparent, etc. They will most likely see and meet the baby so I can understand why they might ask, but they still shouldn't. Again, it is no one's business what you do with your genitals.

I also think when people ask about kids they are looking for an argument or some way to pressure us into having kids, especially when they ask repeatedly, like I already told you once, let it go. They will say things like "Oh you're never ready for a child, just do it." Yes, because that is a great reason to have a child - Just because one can have a baby, does not mean one should.

A lot of people also say you will love having kids because they love their kids. FALSE! Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I personally do not like kids. They are annoying, loud, germ spreaders, etc. To be fair, it might just be the parenting I don't like, but that is just proof that not everyone should be a parent. Plus you know, all the kids who are beaten, raped, abused, etc by their parents is also proof that not everyone is meant to reproduce.

Another thing to keep in mind is maybe the couple is trying to conceive and it's not happening. Someone actually asked during this time and I managed to keep a straight face and let it go, but I was crushed. We were trying and that's something personal and not something you tell people because if you do, it just gets worse. You instead get asked "are you pregnant yet?"  and for someone who has been trying for a while, that's just so soul-crushing.

I was diagnosed with PCOS, but still managed to conceive naturally after 9 months of trying. Being told it may not happen for us though, is heartbreaking and having someone ask you such a personal question ("When are you having kids?") was just not something I needed.

Or maybe the person was pregnant but had a miscarriage and you asking this question is only a painful reminder of the child they lost.

Also, some people can't have kids and your seemingly innocent question now comes off as a painful reminder of what they can't have.

When and whether or not we have kids is our decision. It is no one else's business. If you are one of those people who feel compelled to ask every couple you know: "When are you having kids?" Take a moment and think, why do I care? What kind of response am I hoping for? And if you do ask (though you really shouldn't), accept the couple's answer and move on.

If you have any tips on how to reply to someone when they ask "when are you having kids?" comment below!


Attribution: Image used in blog post photo does not belong to me and was found on  Pexels. 


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10 comments:

  1. I agree, when people repeatedly ask it gets old fast. I had someone ask after my miscarriage. She didn't know I'd lost a baby, but it stung just the same.

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  2. I've had one but having someone ask when are you planning to have another. Uh! Its like if I hear that one more time!!! I just politely tell them when I'm ready.

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  3. Oh goodness! I remember people asking them days after my husband and I married. I just ask them are they going to help me raise the child lol. I have two now, but at the time, it was annoying. I completely understand where you're coming from!

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  4. People have kids when they are ready! I hate when other people ask the question of when. It's non of their business!

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  5. Hang in there - it is ridiculous to think that you have to rush into having kids! Glad you brought this up because I remember after my husband and I got married we literally were asked the following week when we were going to have kids! It all falls into place when it is supposed to.

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  6. You have such a great perspective. Love this. Thank you for the encouraging words….it really made me think.

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  7. The worst part is once you have one child, the question keeps coming on when you are having another. It's terrible and never ends.

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  8. It really is terrible and everyone knows it, but everyone asks it! The hardest part is that you never are completely ready. There never is a perfect time. And once you have one, then everyone asks you about the next one!

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  9. Such a personal question. I never thought much of asking until we after we had a miscarriage.

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  10. There is no better time than the right time...when it happens it happens. In the meantime just enjoy the time with your significant other.

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