March 13, 2015

When Are You Having Kids?

When are you having kids?
After being married for two years, this question gets old. In the beginning, it was easy to just to politely respond "oh you know when we're ready" or "when the times right." Now, however, I feel like being snarky: "Who said we're having kids?" or "None of your business."

The truth? Well, we don't know. We know we are not ready now, but we don't know if that will change in a month, a year, or five years. Maybe we will never be ready.

Not everyone has kids, and that is a good thing. It makes up for the people who pop out twenty children. The world is overpopulated as it is, we could use fewer babies (a debatable topic, but I think we are overpopulated).

It is wrong for our society to think that just because you are married you should have children. There are plenty of horrible parents out there that should never have had kids.

 Also, it really is no one's business. Why do strangers care if we have children or not? It does not affect them. They are not going to be grandparents. They will probably never even see the child. After all, how often do you run into the same person twice? I guess if you live in a small town, then maybe, but in a big city, not likely.

Now when family asks, I think it is still rude, but at least it is because they want to be an aunt or uncle or grandparent, etc. They will most likely see and meet the baby so I can understand why they might ask, maybe once, but to repeatedly ask? Well maybe they forgot what we had already told them and want to ask again, but at some point, it is no longer justifiable and it becomes just plain annoying and rude. No matter how much they ask or beg, we are not going to change our minds and just pop out a baby, that would be a very wrong reason to have a kid.

I also think when people ask about kids they are looking for an argument or some way to pressure us into having kids. They will say things like "Oh you're never ready for a child, just do it." Yes, because that is a great reason to have a child! Just because one can have a baby, does not mean one should. Sometimes I just want to slap people.

A lot of the time people say you will love having kids because they love their kids. FALSE! Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I personally do not like kids. They are annoying, loud, germ spreaders, etc. To be fair, it might just be the parents I do not like since it is probably their fault for not keeping their children under control, but that is just proof that not everyone should be a parent.

Another thing to keep in mind is maybe the couple is trying and it's not happening. Maybe they had recently suffered a miscarriage and you asking this question is only a painful reminder of the child they lost. Some people can't have kids and your seemingly innocent question now comes off as hurtful.

When and whether or not we have kids is our decision. It is no one else's business. If you are one of those people who feel compelled to ask every couple you know: "When are you having kids?" Take a moment and think, why do I care? What kind of response am I hoping for? And if you do ask, accept the couple's answer and move on.

If you have any tips on how to reply to someone when they ask "when are you having kids?" comment below!


Attribution: Image used in blog post photo does not belong to me and was found on  Pexels. 


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10 comments:

  1. I agree, when people repeatedly ask it gets old fast. I had someone ask after my miscarriage. She didn't know I'd lost a baby, but it stung just the same.

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  2. I've had one but having someone ask when are you planning to have another. Uh! Its like if I hear that one more time!!! I just politely tell them when I'm ready.

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  3. Oh goodness! I remember people asking them days after my husband and I married. I just ask them are they going to help me raise the child lol. I have two now, but at the time, it was annoying. I completely understand where you're coming from!

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  4. People have kids when they are ready! I hate when other people ask the question of when. It's non of their business!

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  5. Hang in there - it is ridiculous to think that you have to rush into having kids! Glad you brought this up because I remember after my husband and I got married we literally were asked the following week when we were going to have kids! It all falls into place when it is supposed to.

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  6. You have such a great perspective. Love this. Thank you for the encouraging words….it really made me think.

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  7. The worst part is once you have one child, the question keeps coming on when you are having another. It's terrible and never ends.

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  8. It really is terrible and everyone knows it, but everyone asks it! The hardest part is that you never are completely ready. There never is a perfect time. And once you have one, then everyone asks you about the next one!

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  9. Such a personal question. I never thought much of asking until we after we had a miscarriage.

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  10. There is no better time than the right time...when it happens it happens. In the meantime just enjoy the time with your significant other.

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