Disclosure
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After sharing my DIY Puberty Box For Girls, I realized I had a lot more to say about sex toys and decided to dedicate a full post on what the benefits of giving your preteen or teen a sex toy are.
But before I get into the reasons why you should buy your teen a sex toy, I want to make it clear that you should TALK to your child about masturbation, about sex toys, and clearly explain how things are used and how they should be cleaned. Do not just buy them a toy and leave it on their bed with a note that says "have fun!" As tempting as it is to just leave it and run, never ever avoid the tough conversations. Having those talks with your child will potentially save them from dangerous and unsafe practices.
Also, before people freak out about the idea of giving their child a sex toy, it's important to note that kids start playing with their genitals as early as age five (source)! It just goes to show how early we can feel pleasure. However, I'm definitely not recommending you give your five-year-old a sex toy, but I think shortly after they hit puberty, which can happen as soon as eight, would be a good time to at least consider it and possibly bring it up with your child.
I was nine when I got my period, but it wasn't until middle school, so around age twelve, that I actually discovered and started masturbating. Thinking back, I used some pretty unsafe methods, which is why I strongly recommend giving your teen a vibrator no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. It's really amazing that I never ended up in the ER or with a horrible infection! With the internet today, teens can sidestep the parent and order their own vibrators, but the downside to that is they may not buy from a reputable source or use it safely and correctly.
Here are some reasons why you should consider buying your preteen or teen a sex toy:
1. Safety
The number one reason you should buy your teen a sex toy is that it is the safest thing for them to use on or insert into their bodies (please make sure you are buying from a reputable company). Your child will masturbate whether you want them to or not and if you do not provide them something safe to use, they will find other ways, and none are safe. Just ask an ER doctor about all the things they have found in people's rectums and vaginas. Or if you lack imagination, here are some items I have heard from others that they used to pleasure themselves: m&m mini tubes, gluesticks, stuffed animals, blankets, pillows, pool noodles, barbie doll legs, glass bottles, markers, etc.
2. Hygiene
Cleanliness ties in with safety. A sex toy is designed to be easy to clean. Just use warm water and soap. This is something you will want to talk to your child about because I guarantee none of them will know you have to clean sex toys after and before using them. Not only did I use some pretty unsafe items, but I also never cleaned them. It just never occurred to me until I was older.
3. Self-care
Put an end to shame! Masturbating feels good! Your child deserves pleasure and a sex toy is a safe way to give them that feel-good release without turning to dangerous alternatives (everything ties into safety). It may even make them less likely to have sex until they are older as they can pleasure themselves.
Not only does it feel good, but orgasms relieve stress and can help you sleep better.
"When you have an orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of hormones that help you sleep. Along with sleep-inducing melatonin, oxytocin - aka the love hormone - floods your brain after climax. It makes sense that a chemical that contributes to trust and intimacy would also encourage drowsiness and calm.During an orgasm, the brain also fires feel-good neurotransmitters called endorphins. Low stress levels paired with feelings of intimacy and euphoria have a calming effect on the body, which is the perfect recipe for sleep." (Source)
4. Equality
Women, unlike men, have a harder time achieving orgasm which is often referred to as the pleasure gap or orgasm gap. This largely has to do with society's ideal of women being virgins, so girls are not even encouraged to touch their bodies, whereas it's just expected of boys. This often leaves girls unprepared for sex with another person as they don't know what they want or need in order to achieve orgasm.
A sex toy, though it won't feel the same as being with another person, is a great way for women (and even men!) to explore their bodies and break down the orgasm gap. This will allow them to learn what feels good on their body so they can have even better sex later with their partner and maybe give them more confidence to ask for what they want. Men should not be the only ones experiencing orgasms.
5. Better Sex Education
Talking to your teen about sex toys is a great way to open the conversation about sex. It allows them to feel more comfortable talking to you about tough topics and they will more likely continue talking to you. You can also use this time to gauge where they are at.
Now they probably won't be willing to tell you that they are masturbating, but you can use this opportunity to inform them on the importance of handwashing and not using items that are unsafe and may get stuck, which could create an embarrassing ER visit, or could leave a nasty infection.
Your child may not be ready for a sex toy (as we all mature at different times) when you choose to have the talk with them, but they at least know they can ask you when they are ready to experiment and you can help them select ones that are safe.
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