Getting pregnant was not easy for us. It took us nine long months and we were extremely lucky to conceive without any assistance. My OBGYN was ready for me to go through all sorts of testing to start the infertility drug, Clomid, but oops! I got a positive test before I could start the process. Our miracle baby was born on Christmas Eve and she was the best present we could have ever asked for!
Now just because we got lucky with our baby girl, does not necessarily mean we can have a second baby on our own. There are plenty of people who suffer from secondary infertility, where baby number two just does not happen. Just something to consider before you ask a couple about "number two."
I am actually fine with being one and done, but people expect you to have at least two children and they refuse to believe you when you say you are done with one. There is the classic "Oh, you'll change your mind in a year or two," as if they know you better than you know yourself. Think of it this way, I have been married for four years now, did I change my mind about my husband after two years? Nope, I still love him as much, if not more, as when I first met him seven years ago. Yes, I could change my mind, but that's for me to decide and right now, my focus is on our little girl. There is no room for "number two."
If we did decide on more kids, they would most likely be adopted, but right now I am over the moon with our little girl and intend to spend as much time as I can with her. We are so blessed to have her in our lives that I can't even think of having another at the moment,
Another reason why this is rude is my baby is only four months old! (but even if she was a year old, it would still be rude to ask about having another baby). I am so focused on her, watching her learn and grow, that I can't even think about number two! Just let us enjoy our new little one and stop worrying about how many kids we may or may not have. How and if our family grows is our decision.
All I ask is that you please stop and think before you consider asking someone about baby number two. You have no idea how long and hard it might have taken them to have baby number one or maybe they are trying for number two, but it just isn't happening, or maybe they can only have one for medical reasons. You have no idea what someone may be going through, so please stop asking about "number two."
To learn more about infertility and for support, please check out Resolve.org and NIAW's website.
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