Feb 25, 2019

Children Are Not A Gift From God

I usually avoid talking about religion, but the phrase "Children are a gift from God" has been eating away at me for a while now and I felt the urge to share my thoughts.

My Religious Background

First, a little background about me, I was raised Catholic, was even confirmed and had a Catholic wedding. It wasn't until we were struggling with fertility that I began looking for a new church as the Catholic church didn't fit my beliefs. I mostly went with it because that's what I thought my parent's wanted and I didn't want to upset them.

However, I realized that I was an adult now and no longer in their control, so I started looking for religions that fit my beliefs, and that's how I became Lutheran. My daughter was even baptized Lutheran.

There are, of course, still things I don't agree with, but it's a much better fit and I love the community of the church I attend. I don't think there is a religion out there that will ever fit my beliefs 100%, so I feel this is as close as I am going to get.


My Main Problem With God

A lot of religions and religious people believe that God interferes with our lives and gives us things (children) or cures us (disease, cancer). 

This never sat well with me because it seems very sadistic for God to deem one baby with whooping cough worth saving while letting another die because "God needed another angel," or to cure one woman with breast cancer, while another one dies because "it was her time."

So I believe God actually doesn't interfere with our world. 


Children Are Not A Gift From God

What does this have to do with children? Well, if children were really a gift from God, then God wouldn't give abusive people children. If children were a gift from God, why does the perfectly happy, in love, smart, and kind couple, who has been trying for 10 years not have a child, but the one night stand couple who wasn't even trying has a perfectly healthy baby?

The common answer "It's God's will," or "It's all part of God's plan."

To me, this is a very sadistic God and I would prefer to believe in a kinder, loving, more accepting God. Not one who is cruel and plays these kinds of pick and choose games. I don't want a God who thinks a child deserves an abusive home because it's part of some "bigger plan." I don't want a God who thinks a perfectly loving couple doesn't deserve children, while the reckless teenager was "blessed" with twins because "he wills it." I don't want a God who picks and chooses who lives or dies. I don't want that sadistic God.

Now, to be honest, I used to think children were a gift from God. I thought my daughter was a gift because I had PCOS and was told it may not happen naturally or at all for us. I turned to prayer and I prayed for a baby girl, and in the end, we got our daughter, naturally. She was a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. It was easy at that moment to believe she was "Heaven sent." 

But I don't see it that way anymore, especially after hearing from other couples who had to try for years, who have done multiple IVFs, and these are couples who would be amazing parents! Yet, I have seen plenty of terrible parents have children. You see them all the time on the news, the ones that kill their children, rape them, beat them, etc. So no, I can't see children as a gift from God, because I don't believe God would ever give an abusive person a child if he had a choice. 

So now I see it as luck. We got lucky. We are so incredibly lucky to have our daughter. God had no part. The odds were just in our favor. I ovulated at just the right time, the sperm was just fast enough, etc. It was pure coincidence that it happened when I decided to start going to church again and started praying again.

I am very pro-science, so it was easy for me to remove God and see things from a statistical or chance point of view. However, I'm not comfortable with believing we live only to die and become dirt. I still like to believe there is life after death. I just believe that it's a separate world or realm. I believe that God plays no part in this world. He may watch us, but I don't believe he has any control over how we live our lives. After all, he gave us "free will."  

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

16 comments:

  1. Hello! I follow you on facebook! I would like to share my thoughts on this matter. 1st, children are a blessing from God, says so in the bible. 2nd, it doesn't say babis have to come from your womb to be a blessing, ALL children are a blessing; even my 3yr old whose voice gets on my nerves ��. We do serve a loving God, and I don't believe he is sadistic. Infertility, cancer, and other issues we come across are just "life", and issues that have come to be because of Adam and Eve. God loves everyone, he is not a respector of persons, it may seem like some are treated better by him, but this is not true. We all have the same opportunities and chances in his eyes, we just all don't take them. Your daughter is a blessing ❤. My mother just died 2 weeks ago from cancer, and I don't blame God for it. Was it possible for my mother to be healed? Absolutely! Did she seek God in this time? No. She knew the truth, but chose not to seek him in this time, she used her free will to deny God's ability. But since God is a loving God, I know he will be there for me with peace that passes understanding and comfort when I need a hug in this time. We serve the same God, and I am sorry you feel this way about him. I would love to talk more with you if you want!

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    1. I have to politely disagree. My grandmother was Catholic and very religious, Cancer still took her life. She sought "God" and the "God" you believe in failed her. She was only in her 70's.

      Also, do you believe everything the Bible says? The Bible wasn't even written by God, but his disciples, which aren't the best messengers. You may want to check out these horrible bible verses: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/6120373/Top-10-worst-Bible-passages.html

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    2. The aurthor said the point of the article was to show the danger of taking verses out of context, so yes out of context they would seem bad. Yes I do believe in the whole bible, God may not have physically wrote it, but he told the writers what to write. I'm sorry about you losing your grandmother. What I don't understand is why go to church if you are mad at God/ don't believe in his abilities?

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    3. Did you even read my post? I believe in God. I just don't believe in the sadistic God that many others do. I'm not mad at God at all. I just believe he doesn't have any control over this world. He gave us free will.

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    4. No control? Every year I see spring, summer, fall and winter. Every day I look and see the sun rise, the moon change it's reflecting light, and millions of stars, not one moved from its place. Every moment I take a breath, my heart beats, and my senses take in all the glory the world has to offer. Unfortunately, I need to take the good with the bad. If I see myself in God's eyes I deserve a lot worse.

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    5. All those things you mentioned are because of Science, the seasons are due to the world revolving around the sun. God set things in motion, but he does not control them, at least that is my belief.

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  2. God has a plan for every person on Earth. It is our choice to take advantage of the plan. I understand where you are going with why does God give children to abusive parents and people who don't want kids and to many people who want kids he doesn't give them kids. I was born to abusive parents who didn't plan to have me and I always ask that question and my childhood has shaped me this person I've become. We don't know why to some people he makes them beggars and other people he makes them royalty. When Adam and Eve sinned the world got turned over to Satan but one day God will get it back and whoever believed in God with spend eternity with him.

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    1. I believe in God, just not the one you believe in. The God I believe in has no control over this world, this life.

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  3. This is such an interesting post. I found myself agreeing more than disagree, even though it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Life isn't black and white is it? I am going to have to think about this a little more.

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  4. You keep saying you believe in God, but I don't think that's accurate. You believe in what you want God to be. You pretty clearly state that you don't like Who He is, so you'll change Him to be who you want to believe He is. That's not God you believe in, that's yourself.

    There is evil in the world. We have free will, and sometimes God allows things to happen that we can't understand in the moment. I do agree that it isn't God's will for evil to happen, the Bible is pretty clear on this, but that He can use evil for good.

    I was abused in every way imaginable as a child and grew up to marry a great guy, and then struggle through years of infertility and adoption losses. Without those experiences we never would have become foster parents and if we hadn't have become foster parents, we never would have become parents. When I look at the lives we touched, the kids we've loved, and the changes we've made, all I see is how God took pain and evil and lead us to use it for good. Yes, it was our free will that allowed us to do it, but it was the nudge and the strength from Him that showed us we could. We always said we couldn't foster. A baby showed up at our home. We became foster parents. We said we couldn't tale severe needs. One child had more needs than we thought. Now we almost exclusively take hard to place children. You may choose to see a coincidence, but I can't see it that way. The God you describe is pointless.

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    1. The thing is no one knows what happens after death, so Good really can be whoever we want. You may think it's pointless, but sometimes I wonder if the life we are living right now is a purgatory of some sort. I personally don't believe in a Hell that has demons or fire, but maybe this life is Hell. We are all just working our way up to the next life, so I don't think God would interfere. He gave us free will, so I believe the things you overcame you did yourself, maybe with help from friends, and you should give yourself more credit.

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  5. You bring up interesting points and explain yourself for why you feel like you do. I'm glad to hear that you and your husband had a little girl. I know you had to be so happy and excited after being told you wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. I know others whom have had that happen as well. They were ecstatic when they found out they conceived naturally as well.

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  6. I kind of am along the same belief - I'm more agnostic than religious anyway but I do believe that God doesn't interfere all that much in our affairs.

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  7. I can definitely understand your struggle. I think they are a blessing from God but I don't know that they can be considered gifts.

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  8. I completely agree. I grew up Catholic as well and have watched all of people's successes be attributed to a belief in a Christian God or to a blessing from the deity himself. While struggles are either there to teach us or are just part of life. I prefer my spirituality to support me through success and struggle rather than being responsible for any of it.

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  9. I'm Episcopalean, also think that God doesn't work like Santa, granting presents or anything like that. I feel comfort that He weaves grace throughout our existence, so no matter how destructive we try to be and how many bad things happen, good things often seem to poke through. There is so much evil in he world, and yet love still survives at all, which feels pretty miraculous to me.

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