Children Are Not A Gift From God

I usually avoid talking about religion, but the phrase "Children are a gift from God" has been eating away at me for a while now and I felt the urge to share my thoughts.

My Religious Background

First, a little background about me, I was raised Catholic, was even confirmed and had a Catholic wedding. It wasn't until we were struggling with fertility that I began looking for a new church as the Catholic church didn't fit my beliefs. I mostly went with it because that's what I thought my parent's wanted and I didn't want to upset them.

However, I realized that I was an adult now and no longer in their control, so I started looking for religions that fit my beliefs, and that's how I became Lutheran. My daughter was even baptized Lutheran.

There are, of course, still things I don't agree with, but it's a much better fit and I love the community of the church I attend. I don't think there is a religion out there that will ever fit my beliefs 100%, so I feel this is as close as I am going to get.


My Main Problem With God

A lot of religions and religious people believe that God interferes with our lives and gives us things (children) or cures us (disease, cancer). 

This never sat well with me because it seems very sadistic for God to deem one baby with whooping cough worth saving while letting another die because "God needed another angel," or to cure one woman with breast cancer, while another one dies because "it was her time."

So I believe God actually doesn't interfere with our world. 


Children Are Not A Gift From God

What does this have to do with children? Well, if children were really a gift from God, then God wouldn't give abusive people children. If children were a gift from God, why does the perfectly happy, in love, smart, and kind couple, who has been trying for 10 years not have a child, but the one night stand couple who wasn't even trying has a perfectly healthy baby?

The common answer "It's God's will," or "It's all part of God's plan."

To me, this is a very sadistic God and I would prefer to believe in a kinder, loving, more accepting God. Not one who is cruel and plays these kinds of pick and choose games. I don't want a God who thinks a child deserves an abusive home because it's part of some "bigger plan." I don't want a God who thinks a perfectly loving couple doesn't deserve children, while the reckless teenager was "blessed" with twins because "he wills it." I don't want a God who picks and chooses who lives or dies. I don't want that sadistic God.

Now, to be honest, I used to think children were a gift from God. I thought my daughter was a gift because I had PCOS and was told it may not happen naturally or at all for us. I turned to prayer and I prayed for a baby girl, and in the end, we got our daughter, naturally. She was a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. It was easy at that moment to believe she was "Heaven sent." 

But I don't see it that way anymore, especially after hearing from other couples who had to try for years, who have done multiple IVFs, and these are couples who would be amazing parents! Yet, I have seen plenty of terrible parents have children. You see them all the time on the news, the ones that kill their children, rape them, beat them, etc. So no, I can't see children as a gift from God, because I don't believe God would ever give an abusive person a child if he had a choice. 

So now I see it as luck. We got lucky. We are so incredibly lucky to have our daughter. God had no part. The odds were just in our favor. I ovulated at just the right time, the sperm was just fast enough, etc. It was pure coincidence that it happened when I decided to start going to church again and started praying again.

I am very pro-science, so it was easy for me to remove God and see things from a statistical or chance point of view. However, I'm not comfortable with believing we live only to die and become dirt. I still like to believe there is life after death. I just believe that it's a separate world or realm. I believe that God plays no part in this world. He may watch us, but I don't believe he has any control over how we live our lives. After all, he gave us "free will."  

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!