Children Are Not A Gift From God

I usually avoid talking about religion, but the phrase "Children are a gift from God" has been eating away at me for a while now and I felt the urge to share my thoughts.

My Religious Background

First, a little background about me, I was raised Catholic, was even confirmed and had a Catholic wedding. It wasn't until we were struggling with fertility that I began looking for a new church as the Catholic church didn't fit my beliefs. I mostly went with it because that's what I thought my parent's wanted and I didn't want to upset them.

However, I realized that I was an adult now and no longer in their control, so I started looking for religions that fit my beliefs, and that's how I became Lutheran. My daughter was even baptized Lutheran.

There are, of course, still things I don't agree with, but it's a much better fit and I love the community of the church I attend. I don't think there is a religion out there that will ever fit my beliefs 100%, so I feel this is as close as I am going to get.


My Main Problem With God

A lot of religions and religious people believe that God interferes with our lives and gives us things (children) or cures us (disease, cancer). 

This never sat well with me because it seems very sadistic for God to deem one baby with whooping cough worth saving while letting another die because "God needed another angel," or to cure one woman with breast cancer, while another one dies because "it was her time."

So I believe God actually doesn't interfere with our world. 


Children Are Not A Gift From God

What does this have to do with children? Well, if children were really a gift from God, then God wouldn't give abusive people children. If children were a gift from God, why does the perfectly happy, in love, smart, and kind couple, who has been trying for 10 years not have a child, but the one night stand couple who wasn't even trying has a perfectly healthy baby?

The common answer "It's God's will," or "It's all part of God's plan."

To me, this is a very sadistic God and I would prefer to believe in a kinder, loving, more accepting God. Not one who is cruel and plays these kinds of pick and choose games. I don't want a God who thinks a child deserves an abusive home because it's part of some "bigger plan." I don't want a God who thinks a perfectly loving couple doesn't deserve children, while the reckless teenager was "blessed" with twins because "he wills it." I don't want a God who picks and chooses who lives or dies. I don't want that sadistic God.

Now, to be honest, I used to think children were a gift from God. I thought my daughter was a gift because I had PCOS and was told it may not happen naturally or at all for us. I turned to prayer and I prayed for a baby girl, and in the end, we got our daughter, naturally. She was a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. It was easy at that moment to believe she was "Heaven sent." 

But I don't see it that way anymore, especially after hearing from other couples who had to try for years, who have done multiple IVFs, and these are couples who would be amazing parents! Yet, I have seen plenty of terrible parents have children. You see them all the time on the news, the ones that kill their children, rape them, beat them, etc. So no, I can't see children as a gift from God, because I don't believe God would ever give an abusive person a child if he had a choice. 

So now I see it as luck. We got lucky. We are so incredibly lucky to have our daughter. God had no part. The odds were just in our favor. I ovulated at just the right time, the sperm was just fast enough, etc. It was pure coincidence that it happened when I decided to start going to church again and started praying again.

I am very pro-science, so it was easy for me to remove God and see things from a statistical or chance point of view. However, I'm not comfortable with believing we live only to die and become dirt. I still like to believe there is life after death. I just believe that it's a separate world or realm. I believe that God plays no part in this world. He may watch us, but I don't believe he has any control over how we live our lives. After all, he gave us "free will."  

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Post a Comment

30 Comments

  1. Hello! I follow you on facebook! I would like to share my thoughts on this matter. 1st, children are a blessing from God, says so in the bible. 2nd, it doesn't say babis have to come from your womb to be a blessing, ALL children are a blessing; even my 3yr old whose voice gets on my nerves ��. We do serve a loving God, and I don't believe he is sadistic. Infertility, cancer, and other issues we come across are just "life", and issues that have come to be because of Adam and Eve. God loves everyone, he is not a respector of persons, it may seem like some are treated better by him, but this is not true. We all have the same opportunities and chances in his eyes, we just all don't take them. Your daughter is a blessing ❤. My mother just died 2 weeks ago from cancer, and I don't blame God for it. Was it possible for my mother to be healed? Absolutely! Did she seek God in this time? No. She knew the truth, but chose not to seek him in this time, she used her free will to deny God's ability. But since God is a loving God, I know he will be there for me with peace that passes understanding and comfort when I need a hug in this time. We serve the same God, and I am sorry you feel this way about him. I would love to talk more with you if you want!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to politely disagree. My grandmother was Catholic and very religious, Cancer still took her life. She sought "God" and the "God" you believe in failed her. She was only in her 70's.

      Also, do you believe everything the Bible says? The Bible wasn't even written by God, but his disciples, which aren't the best messengers. You may want to check out these horrible bible verses: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/6120373/Top-10-worst-Bible-passages.html

      Delete
    2. The aurthor said the point of the article was to show the danger of taking verses out of context, so yes out of context they would seem bad. Yes I do believe in the whole bible, God may not have physically wrote it, but he told the writers what to write. I'm sorry about you losing your grandmother. What I don't understand is why go to church if you are mad at God/ don't believe in his abilities?

      Delete
    3. Did you even read my post? I believe in God. I just don't believe in the sadistic God that many others do. I'm not mad at God at all. I just believe he doesn't have any control over this world. He gave us free will.

      Delete
    4. No control? Every year I see spring, summer, fall and winter. Every day I look and see the sun rise, the moon change it's reflecting light, and millions of stars, not one moved from its place. Every moment I take a breath, my heart beats, and my senses take in all the glory the world has to offer. Unfortunately, I need to take the good with the bad. If I see myself in God's eyes I deserve a lot worse.

      Delete
    5. All those things you mentioned are because of Science, the seasons are due to the world revolving around the sun. God set things in motion, but he does not control them, at least that is my belief.

      Delete
  2. God has a plan for every person on Earth. It is our choice to take advantage of the plan. I understand where you are going with why does God give children to abusive parents and people who don't want kids and to many people who want kids he doesn't give them kids. I was born to abusive parents who didn't plan to have me and I always ask that question and my childhood has shaped me this person I've become. We don't know why to some people he makes them beggars and other people he makes them royalty. When Adam and Eve sinned the world got turned over to Satan but one day God will get it back and whoever believed in God with spend eternity with him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe in God, just not the one you believe in. The God I believe in has no control over this world, this life.

      Delete
    2. and truly, you cannot believe that "God" sits up there in Heaven, writing plans for each and every one born...my gosh, we have billions of people. Even God would not be able to keep up! Children are created by a man and woman having sex. That's it. If Children were gifts from God, then all the mothers would be Virgins! It states in the bible, like so many of you believe wholeheartedly in, that Jesus was a creation of the Holy Spirit and she was a virgin who got "with child". So, please remember that God did not say "ok, Sue and Bill are going to hook up tonight after those drinks in the bar, strangers at first, but you both will have sex and I have a plan for that child". Nope, we as sexual creatures re-create our own not as a will of God". I really like what you wrote "Forever My Little Moon". Good and powerful!

      Delete
  3. This is such an interesting post. I found myself agreeing more than disagree, even though it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Life isn't black and white is it? I am going to have to think about this a little more.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You keep saying you believe in God, but I don't think that's accurate. You believe in what you want God to be. You pretty clearly state that you don't like Who He is, so you'll change Him to be who you want to believe He is. That's not God you believe in, that's yourself.

    There is evil in the world. We have free will, and sometimes God allows things to happen that we can't understand in the moment. I do agree that it isn't God's will for evil to happen, the Bible is pretty clear on this, but that He can use evil for good.

    I was abused in every way imaginable as a child and grew up to marry a great guy, and then struggle through years of infertility and adoption losses. Without those experiences we never would have become foster parents and if we hadn't have become foster parents, we never would have become parents. When I look at the lives we touched, the kids we've loved, and the changes we've made, all I see is how God took pain and evil and lead us to use it for good. Yes, it was our free will that allowed us to do it, but it was the nudge and the strength from Him that showed us we could. We always said we couldn't foster. A baby showed up at our home. We became foster parents. We said we couldn't tale severe needs. One child had more needs than we thought. Now we almost exclusively take hard to place children. You may choose to see a coincidence, but I can't see it that way. The God you describe is pointless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The thing is no one knows what happens after death, so Good really can be whoever we want. You may think it's pointless, but sometimes I wonder if the life we are living right now is a purgatory of some sort. I personally don't believe in a Hell that has demons or fire, but maybe this life is Hell. We are all just working our way up to the next life, so I don't think God would interfere. He gave us free will, so I believe the things you overcame you did yourself, maybe with help from friends, and you should give yourself more credit.

      Delete
  5. You bring up interesting points and explain yourself for why you feel like you do. I'm glad to hear that you and your husband had a little girl. I know you had to be so happy and excited after being told you wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. I know others whom have had that happen as well. They were ecstatic when they found out they conceived naturally as well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I kind of am along the same belief - I'm more agnostic than religious anyway but I do believe that God doesn't interfere all that much in our affairs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can definitely understand your struggle. I think they are a blessing from God but I don't know that they can be considered gifts.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I completely agree. I grew up Catholic as well and have watched all of people's successes be attributed to a belief in a Christian God or to a blessing from the deity himself. While struggles are either there to teach us or are just part of life. I prefer my spirituality to support me through success and struggle rather than being responsible for any of it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm Episcopalean, also think that God doesn't work like Santa, granting presents or anything like that. I feel comfort that He weaves grace throughout our existence, so no matter how destructive we try to be and how many bad things happen, good things often seem to poke through. There is so much evil in he world, and yet love still survives at all, which feels pretty miraculous to me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow, I love this perspective, especially your thoughts on how God would never give a child to an abusive person if children are his gift. He is all-knowing, they say, so he would know if a person would turn abusive a few years down the road of parenthood as well.

    I love how you put that God watches us but has no control. I feel the same way.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I like your post. It is good to see you verbalize from the heart and clarity on this important subject can be easily observed... mystery

    ReplyDelete
  12. I can understand why you feel that way. The bible say God gave us the right to choose so therefore he will not interfere unless we ask. With God all things are possible but not all things are permissible. I have lost 2 babies of which one was a full term and I still believe children are gifts from God. Sometime our pain bring us to a place that causes us to doubt and challenge the truth which won't change the truth. The same argument you are making can apply to the fact there is no God, since some of us have been asking for healing of an ailment for a long time and we see others being healed all around us. Take Job for example, his story was very unique, he lost everything and was restored. God actually boasted about Job''s faithfulness even when the suggested that Job is faithful because of his wealth and the protection around him. God allowed his suffering and later restored him seven times greater because he remained faithful. God promised Abraham a child in his seventies but he did not have Isaac till he was hundred. He is God all by himself and as much as we question some of his was ways, let us also understand that no matter our situation staying faithful will always change any situation.




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are free to believe as you wish, but if that is your view, then God is very sadistic as he gets pleasure from your pain.

      Delete
  13. I am sorry to see this type of site or book. God is a very loving God. Don’t blame Him for evil. Blame the one opposing Him. The evil in the world as a result of sin. God bless you friend ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So then you're saying babies come from the devil? Babies are punishment for those who make mistakes? And those are religious and childless are denied children because they are too good for children?

      Delete
  14. My Sis, In My Opinion Children are not someone's choice. but They are a Gift from God. God reward them for a Husband and Wife by His Will. Children are a heritage and a reward. They are a blessing!
    “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”
    — Psalms 127:3 (KJV)

    "Children have significance in God’s plan and there are numerous Bible verses about children being a blessing. The account of Jesus taking the children in His arms is recorded several times in the Bible. We can follow Jesus’ example by showing a child that he or she has value in our eyes and in the eyes of God."

    “Before I formed you in the womb knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
    — Jeremiah 1:5 (ESV)

    "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
    — Psalms 139:13-16 (ESV)

    "And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.”
    — Genesis 33:5 (ESV)

    "Behold, I and the children whom the LORD has given me are signs and portents in Israel from the LORD of hosts, who dwells on Mount Zion."
    — Isaiah 8:18 (ESV)

    Children are no mistake or accident or someone's choice. The day of their birth was long ago determined by God as the psalmist wrote, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (Psalm 139:16) so children are a blessing or gift from God not unexpected and they should be given thanks for to God. What greater joy is there than to be at the birth or hear the news that a child of yours has been born! So too is there joy in heaven when one is born again through faith in Christ (Luke 15:7, 10).

    "When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world."
    — John 16:21(ESV)

    The Bible is clear that children are to be looked upon as a blessing, not an inconvenience or They are not someone's lifestyle choice. They are a reward from God! Truly, children are a gift from God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you truly believe that, then God is pretty sadistic as he gives children to abusive and cruel people. If they are a "reward" then he sure likes to give rewards to the wrong people.

      Delete
    2. My Sis, You are trying to define LORD God by your mind, That is impossible. Please try to seek him by Spirit and truth. He will show you what is hidden from your mind.
      LORD God is not Sadistic. He is a Loving and Sovereign God.

      11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
      - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
      Do you know this is a fallen world?

      please read this Testimony :

      https://www.homeofgrace.org/blog/why-does-god-allow-pain-hint-its-one-of-his-greatest-blessings/

      Delete
    3. I am not your "sis." You are free to believe as you wish, but I'm sorry, no loving God would bless evil people with children, but he does over and over again. Hence why I do not believe children are a gift from God. I believe in a God, but not the same sadistic one that is in the bible.

      Delete
    4. Also the very saying "pain is a blessing" is pretty much the definition of sadistic.

      Delete
    5. IS GOD UNFAIR? By Greg Bufkin

      First, let’s be honest. Our sense of justice isn’t exactly dependable. What we think is fair or reasonable isn’t exactly reliable. Let us not fool ourselves into thinking what is fair, reasonable, or just. To pretend we know what is best in a situation is not only incredibly naive, but it is rebellion. To see circumstances unfold in a way
      that displeases us, and to then shake our fist at The High King of Heaven, in disapproval, demonstrates a desire (whether conscious or subconscious) to place ourselves on the throne of God, dictating how things, we cannot possibly begin to fathom, should unfold.

      Delete
    6. GOD CREATED US FOR THE SOLE
      PURPOSE OF LOVING US
      By Greg Bufkin

      God created man (and woman) for one reason, to love us. Our sole reason for existing is to have the extravagant love of God poured out on us. But mankind wasn’t satisfied with that. We wanted to be like God. In attempting to accomplish that we invited, and welcomed, sin into the world never realizing the permanent chasm it would fix between God and us. Never again (in this life) would we be able to walk face to face with God in the cool of the day, through the garden of Eden He created for our pleasure and sustenance. God knew all of this would happen. He also knew that the only way to repair it after we broke it was through sacrifice.
      GOD IS NOT EXEMPT FROM SUFFERING, BUT HIS IS VOLUNTARY
      God knew that the only way to repair what man had broken (His relationship with us) was to send His only son, Jesus Christ to suffer and die for our sins. He also knew this before the first word of creation was ever spoken.

      1 PETER 1:18-20 – FOR YOU KNOW THAT GOD PAID A RANSOM TO SAVE YOU FROM THE EMPTY LIFE YOU INHERITED FROM YOUR ANCESTORS. AND IT WAS NOT PAID WITH MERE GOLD OR SILVER, WHICH LOSE THEIR VALUE. IT WAS THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF CHRIST, THE SINLESS, SPOTLESS LAMB OF GOD. GOD CHOSE HIM AS YOUR RANSOM LONG BEFORE THE WORLD BEGAN, BUT NOW IN THESE LAST DAYS HE HAS BEEN REVEALED FOR YOUR SAKE.

      God, whose only desire, ever, was to love us, knew we would rebel and create a situation that could only be repaired by the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. Knowing this, He created us anyway because He wanted to show His love that much. He sent His Son to be used, abused, betrayed, beaten, tortured, spit on, mocked, nailed to a cross, and killed, to save the very people who were responsible for all of the aforementioned abuse. God walked into suffering unjustly, unfairly, and He did so voluntarily because He loves us. So let us not consider anything we suffer unfair because we do not know the meaning of the word. It may BE unfair according to our standards, but our standards are flawed.

      Delete

There is an anonymous comment option if you would prefer to keep your info private.