Mar 26, 2015

should having twins be a surprise?

Recently I read this article on Babble "I Wish My Wife and I Weren’t Having Twins" and his wife's article: "I’m Expecting Twins — and I Feel Like I Ruined My Family" and it really irritated me.

Everyone is usually surprised when they find out they are having two babies instead of one. I am not saying they should not be in shock, but when you start trying for a baby, you should ALWAYS be prepared for the chance of multiples, not just twins. What if you have triplets, quadruplets? Are you ready to support more than one new addition?

What really frustrates me about this couple is that they live in a one bedroom apartment and planned on adding another kid. They do not even have a bedroom for their first child, where are they going to put another? What were they thinking to begin with? Now they are having twins, that is three kids. They probably should have thought about housing before getting that IVF. Seriously, where were they planning to put baby number two? Four people sleeping in one room? That does not sound like fun.

That brings me to point two, they opted for IVF to get pregnant and they CHOSE to double her chances by using two embryos, so instead of using that money to move into bigger housing, they put it towards a second child and risk the possibility of having twins, and what do you know, they got twins!

Another thing that is upsetting is that they hoped for a girl and got two boys instead. Gender is 50/50, if you can not be happy with what you get, then you should not have a baby or elect for adopting instead of IVF, so then you can guarantee a baby girl. They also wanted the child for their son. That is another issue.

You should never have a baby for any other reason besides the fact that YOU want another one. Only children grow up fine, they do not need a brother or a sister. A study even revealed that the fewer siblings a child has, the happier they are:

While the findings seem surprising, experts say there are clear reasons why more siblings could reduce happiness. Dr Ruth Coppard, a child psychologist, said: "In an average home the more children, the less privacy for each child. Some love sharing a bedroom with a sibling but they would rather choose to do it than have to do it. There is competition for parental time." (source)

I have no idea what this couple was thinking or why they decided to share this story on the web where their poor kids may find it someday, but if you are planning on having a baby, remember to consider the possibility that you may get more than just one child. It is okay to be surprised, but I do not think it is okay to react the way this couple did, especially if you used fertility treatment!

Attribution: Image used in blog post photo does not belong to me and was found on Pexels. 

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Mar 20, 2015


Why We Chose To Adopt a Puppy

I originally wanted a dog because I wanted a running buddy, but I also believe they a great way to see if you want children.

However, getting a pet is a huge commitment so I wouldn't get a dog just of the sake of seeing if you are ready to have kids. Instead, maybe opt for fostering a pet first, so you don't have the long term commitment.

We decided a young puppy would be too much for us (we are cat people) and ended up adopting Lexie, a border collie/sheltie/Aussie mix. At the time we got her she was around 7 months old and was already pretty much potty trained (had a few accidents, but that is to be expected in a new home). Lexie was already kennel trained (she cried the first night, but was fine after that, just needed to get used to her new surroundings). After having her a year, we stopped using the kennel though as she proved herself to be a well-behaved dog.

One thing I remember in the early weeks we had her was bursting into tears a few weeks after we got Lexie. It was such a huge change to my lifestyle that it became a little overwhelming. I never had to take the cats outside to go potty. I didn't have to walk the cats. She wasn't very good at being on the leash. Lexie demanded my attention (I felt a lot of these same emotions after our daughter was born).

I decided to take a dog obedience class to see if that would help the situation, and it did! The class gave me the tools to teach Lexie to sit, lie down, and even roll over. Now, almost a year later, I love her to bits. We go running together when it is nice out, cuddle on the couch, and she now knows how to ring a bell to go outside so I don't have to worry about accidents! She just lets me know she needs to go out by ringing the bell.

Lexie opened the door to the possibility of having a child.

how is a puppy like a baby?

How is a Puppy Like a Baby?

  • Both need their poop picked up after them. - A baby will eventually grow up, but picking up after a dog helps you get used to seeing and touching poop (with a plastic bag of course).

  • You have to potty train both. - We skipped this step by not getting such a young puppy.

  • Both need attention. - A baby will also grow out of this, but a dog never will.

  • Dogs will make messes. - They throw up, roll in mud, etc. and you will have to clean it up. A baby will make ten times as many messes as a dog.

  • Dogs bark and babies cry. - We lucked out and Lexie barks rarely, usually when the doorbell rings, but we have neighbors whose dogs will bark constantly while outside.

  • Both will need baths, and you have to bathe them, they can't do that themselves.

  • Both teethe. - Lexie had a phase where she would chew up blankets and flip flops, luckily that phase did not last long!

  • You have to buy toys for both.

  • Both will wake you in the middle of the night (a puppy needs to go out, baby needs to eat).

  • You will have to puppy proof just as you will have to baby proof your home. 

Dogs and babies have a lot in common, but they are also very different. As your child grows, they begin to learn right from wrong. Kids can be taught not to do certain things, but dogs can't.

Dogs are a constant toddler in need of your love and attention, but a dog is a great way to see if you have the patience to care for a child. Just keep in mind that a dog is a big commitment, so make sure you can afford it and are willing to take care of it for 15 years (or longer!) before taking one home.

A baby is an even bigger commitment, but people will often jump in without considering costs or long-term care. A child will be your responsibility for 18 years, and even after that many parents still help their children out (don't forget grandchildren!), that is a commitment till you die versus a pet that lives for only around 15 years.

Attribution: Image used in blog post photo does not belong to me and was found on Canva.

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Mar 16, 2015

Disclosure: This is not a sponsored post. I love this app and am sharing it in order to help save animals.

walk for a dog app review

Now that it is getting warm out again, I would like to share an awesome phone app I discovered last summer: Walk For a Dog.

Walk For a Dog by Wooftrax is a FREE app. It uses GPS to track you when you are out walking your dog. You are able to select a shelter of your choice to walk for and every mile you walk with your dog earns the shelter of your choice a donation. It is a really simple way to donate to a shelter you love and a great way to encourage you to get out and walk with your dog.

You also do not necessarily have to have a dog as there is no way for the app to know if you are walking your dog or not, it just tracks your distance, so you can still help raise money for a shelter just by walking!

This is an awesome app and it works on both Android and iPhones.

Download it here!

3,000,000 walks and counting have been taken for over 6000 shelters in all 50 states
Image Source

Attribution: Images used in this post are not mine and belong to WoofTrax.

Mar 13, 2015

When are you having kids?

After being married for a few years, this question gets old. In the beginning, it was easy to just to politely respond "oh you know when we're ready" or "when the times right." Now, however, I feel like being snarky: "Who said we're having kids?" or "None of your business."

The truth? Well, we don't know. We know we are not ready now, but we don't know if that will change in a month, a year, or five years. Maybe we will never be ready.

Not everyone has kids, and that is a good thing. It makes up for the people who pop out twenty children. The world is overpopulated as it is, we could use fewer babies (a debatable topic, but I think personally think we are overpopulated - just look at how much the environment has suffered because of us).

It is very wrong for our society to think that just because you are married you should have children. There are plenty of horrible parents out there that should never have had kids.

It really is no one's business what we do with our reproductive organs. Why do strangers care if we have children or not? It does not affect them. They are not going to be grandparents. They will probably never even see the child. After all, how often do you run into the same person twice? I guess if you live in a small town, then maybe, but in a big city, not likely.

If you are looking for a conversation starter, stick to the weather, not so hard to say "Nice weather we're having aye?" or you know the good old standby that all cashiers know how to ask: "How's your day going?"

Now when family asks, I think it is still rude and totally not okay, but it's kind of understandable because they want to be an aunt or uncle or grandparent, etc. They will most likely see and meet the baby so I can understand why they might ask, but they still shouldn't. Again, it is no one's business what you do with your genitals.

I also think when people ask about kids they are looking for an argument or some way to pressure us into having kids, especially when they ask repeatedly, like I already told you once, let it go. They will say things like "Oh you're never ready for a child, just do it." Yes, because that is a great reason to have a child - Just because one can have a baby, does not mean one should.

A lot of people also say you will love having kids because they love their kids. FALSE! Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I personally do not like kids. They are annoying, loud, germ spreaders, etc. To be fair, it might just be the parenting I don't like, but that is just proof that not everyone should be a parent. Plus you know, all the kids who are beaten, raped, abused, etc by their parents is also proof that not everyone is meant to reproduce.

Another thing to keep in mind is maybe the couple is trying to conceive and it's not happening. Someone actually asked during this time and I managed to keep a straight face and let it go, but I was crushed. We were trying and that's something personal and not something you tell people because if you do, it just gets worse. You instead get asked "are you pregnant yet?"  and for someone who has been trying for a while, that's just so soul-crushing.

I was diagnosed with PCOS, but still managed to conceive naturally after 9 months of trying. Being told it may not happen for us though, is heartbreaking and having someone ask you such a personal question ("When are you having kids?") was just not something I needed.

Or maybe the person was pregnant but had a miscarriage and you asking this question is only a painful reminder of the child they lost.

Also, some people can't have kids and your seemingly innocent question now comes off as a painful reminder of what they can't have.

When and whether or not we have kids is our decision. It is no one else's business. If you are one of those people who feel compelled to ask every couple you know: "When are you having kids?" Take a moment and think, why do I care? What kind of response am I hoping for? And if you do ask (though you really shouldn't), accept the couple's answer and move on.

If you have any tips on how to reply to someone when they ask "when are you having kids?" comment below!

Attribution: Image used in blog post photo does not belong to me and was found on  Pexels. 

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Mar 6, 2015

Disclosure: I was not paid by Ovia to write this review. I just loved this app so much I wanted to share it with you all! 

Ovia home screenOvia app preview
Images were taken from my phone and belong to Ovia

Ovia is a phone app that tracks your fertility. They also have a pregnancy app, but I haven't tried that one since I'm not pregnant.

Most use Ovia for tracking when they are fertile to have sex, but it can also work the opposite way, to see when not to. It also can predict your next period, which is why I love it. If you have an irregular period, it's harder to track your fertility, but still doable.

If you are an NFP user, then this is the app for you. It tracks your basal body temperature, your cervical opening, vaginal mucus, etc... When I started NFP, I had to use an excel sheet/chart and it was difficult, Ovia charts for you! You just enter your data and that's it.

On a side note, as much as I love NFP, I never recommend using just one form of birth control. You should always use two or more as a precaution, for example, a condom with NFP or a pill and a condom, etc. Contraception is only 99% effective, so the more you use, the safer you are from getting pregnant before you plan to be!

Ovia also tracks many other things, such as sleep patterns, water consumption, exercise, etc! I have tried other apps in the past and this one is my favorite, which is why I had to share! I am not endorsed, nor paid by Ovia to write this review. Did I mention it's free? They do have a paid option I believe, but I have never had the need for it.

Ovia app review
Image Belongs To Ovia